Why Now?

Ashton,

If I were you, I'd have a million questions. I want to use this site as much as I can to answer those questions. The first one you might ask is, "Why now?"

Well, now you're old enough to understand at least some of what has happened over time. When you were a baby, I was highly involved in trying to be a part of your life, but it wasn't possible. To be a part of your life, I would have had to raise up a lot of money that I didn't have, and my family was very poor.

But now, I'm 10 years into my career, and I finally have a home and enough support to try to be involved in your life. I do feel I could have tried to be involved earlier, but I've always been told that I could not be involved in your life. It just wasn't possible for a long time.

I felt that, when you were younger, you might not understand these complex events that led up to here that have happened. I also didn't want to put you through the emotional process of understanding the past. I almost don't understand it myself, how time has gone by and been lost.

I feel I am ready, and hope that you are also ready at your age, to lock eyes with me for the first time. For us to finally know one another. For us to have simple conversations, build a campfire together, go on a hike, roast marshmallows, and just enjoy each other's presence.

I want you to know me, and I want to know you. I can see so many of your amazing qualities through photos, and I can't help but wonder how many you've borrowed from me. I see my face in your face, and I wish I could hold your smile in my eyes, in person.

Dad